


I Wanna Be Yours

by blue_blue_electricblue



Series: Arctic Monkeys Rick Stuff [3]
Category: Rick and Morty
Genre: Desperation, F/M, Introspection, Obsession, Short and depressing, Unhealthy Relationships, and maybe not failing miserably?, but this one. hooo it's EDGY (tm), graphic descriptions of high school physics, i get less depressing after this, resolutions, this one is peak edgelord lads, trying to be an adult
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 11:41:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22969429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blue_blue_electricblue/pseuds/blue_blue_electricblue
Summary: You do some serious thinking about your relationship with Rick.
Relationships: Rick Sanchez/Reader
Series: Arctic Monkeys Rick Stuff [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1650706
Comments: 3
Kudos: 26





	I Wanna Be Yours

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE READ THIS NOTE!! This is one of the fics that has been sitting in my drive for like a year. I'm sick of looking at it, but I have no guarantee I will continue it. I have no idea where I was going with it. It was just an idea I couldn't get out of my head, and now I'm going to inflict it on everyone else. I hope you enjoy it as it is. I might continue if people are intrigued, but again, I have no guarantee of that.
> 
> This particular work is part of a series, and that series has a few more works in it that I will publish, but there was a plotline that might never Get Done so I apologize for that.
> 
> Warnings here for unhealthy relationships involving dependency on another person, and Rick generally being an asshole.

_ This isn’t healthy. This isn’t healthy. This isn’t healthy. _

“Yeah, no shit,” you muttered to your brain that seemed to be able to think only one thing. You already  _ knew  _ this whole thing was unhealthy, but fuck if you could stop.

_ This isn’t healthy. I’d kill for him. This isn’t healthy. _

Now,  _ that _ was a shocking intrusive thought. What the fuck? You’d  _ kill _ for him? What?

_ I just want him to want me. I want him to keep me. _

You sat up suddenly in bed. Really? Just when you thought you could fall asleep to the less-than reassuring mantra of “this isn’t healthy” your train of thought had to shift to some more terrifying introspection, some deep dark secrets you were hiding down in your heart, thoughts you had hid even from yourself.

They were harder to hide than you thought, evidently.

Well, it looked like you weren’t getting any sleep. Might as well go downstairs and see if you could get any research done. Probably not, but you could try.

“Right,” you said. You pulled on a robe and headed downstairs, carefully avoiding looking at the kitchen. This was why you  _ really _ didn’t want to fuck Rick in the house. Partially because you could feel the disapproving ghost of adulthood watching and judging your juvenile, stupid, impulsive decisions, and partially because you knew that after he left you would feel  _ Rick’s _ ghost lingering on everything he touched.

“Focus,” you murmured as you wandered into your study. You had to do something easy, something to take your mind off things. Kinematics. Two-body systems with friction. Something high school-level.

_ The final velocity is equal to the acceleration times the time plus the initial velocity, the distance is equal to the initial velocity times the time plus the acceleration times the time squared, the final velocity squared is equal to the initial velocity squared plus two times the acceleration times the distance. I’m willing to be anything for him if it means he’ll keep me. If he makes me his. _

“Fuck!” You hissed. Kinematics weren’t working.  _ Kinematics weren’t working. _ You always did high school-level physics to calm yourself down. They made you feel in control, they made the universe make sense and they weren’t working to take your mind off of  _ him. _

How had he managed to do this? Again? How? You thought you had prepared yourself for someone like him barging into your life and ruining you again. But that was the problem, wasn’t it? There was no one like him.

Don’t think about him. Don’t.

Circular motion, you should try circular motion. That had fucked you up pretty bad in high school.

_ What is the minimum velocity needed to get over the top of a loop of a roller coaster? _

Fitting, because you felt like you were on a roller coaster right now. You could probably derive the equation over again, just to keep yourself occupied.

_ If the total centripetal force is equal to the normal force plus the force of gravity and the total force is also equal to mass times velocity squared over the radius, then the normal force plus the force of gravity is equal to mass times velocity squared over the radius…  _

He wasn’t handsome. That wasn’t why you were so stuck to him. That wasn’t why you were willing to change every facet of your personality to please him. You weren’t sure what about him was so attractive to you. 

_ Gravity, dipshit. That’s why he’s so attractive. All objects with mass are attracted to all other objects with mass. _

You let out a little hysterical giggle at your dumb joke. God  _ damn,  _ you were tired. And practically sick over this man.

Being with Rick  _ was _ like riding a roller coaster, complete with feeling your stomach bottom out and throwing up, sometimes. It was fun, and if you didn’t build the track right, it’d end in serious injury. If you didn’t go into the loop with enough velocity, you’d end up stuck on one side of the loop, or worse, dead, crushed under the cart and squashed head-first on the ground.

That was your problem, you supposed. A relationship with Rick was like the loop of a roller coaster. You needed enough self-confidence going into any relations with him in order to get around his disgusting, degrading person and move forward. If you didn’t have enough confidence, you’d end up set backwards on the track, losing more and more of yourself, or worse, utterly destroying yourself, dead, under the weight of your expectations and his, tearing yourself apart and changing yourself until your personality was no longer yours but something that belonged to him, that existed purely for his entertainment.

You never had enough speed. Your mind could vouch for that, what with its current mantra of,  _ I’d do anything he wants. I’d be anything. I’d be his ring, I want to hold his hand forever, I’d be his booze, to be drunk down and discarded, to make him warm and crazy, I’d be anything so long as it belonged to him, I want to belong to him, I want to be his, I want to be his, I want to be his. _

Well, it was time to speed up. You wouldn’t do this to yourself. Not again. You had a Nobel Prize, goddamnit, and you deserved some fucking respect. You weren’t going to change a single thing about yourself for him and if he didn’t like it, he  _ could _ fucking leave. You wouldn’t be dependent on him any more.

_ It’s going to be a lot harder than that, you know,  _ the pessimistic part of you whispered.

“I know,” you whispered back. “I know.”


End file.
